tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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