Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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