My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
