Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
