Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
