woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
