After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
