after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
