So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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