listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
