I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
