those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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