I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
