so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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