but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
