Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize