I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
