I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
