I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
