if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
