dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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