At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
