We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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