First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
