Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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