youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
