a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Randomize
