Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
