barbara walters just said penis...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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