dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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