just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize