Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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