Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
