i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
