True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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