I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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