Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
