I hate all girls vehemently.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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