He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
