i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
