Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
