"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
