i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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