Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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