We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
