Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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