i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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