am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
