so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
