He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
