It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
