This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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