i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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