STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
