just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
