Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
