I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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