If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
