I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
