hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
