Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
her facebook's as public as her vagina
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
