I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
