my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
