i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
