Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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