i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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