I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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