I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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