Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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