Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
