I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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