Can Purell be used as lube?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
