Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
