mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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