this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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