he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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