I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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