Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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