This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
