All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
