found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
