..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
