No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
